Anger is my friend
She is the crackling of wood set ablaze
She burns in oranges, reds and smoulders into grey
Just like the feeling she leaves behind
Fiery and loud
Seeming to offer comfort
A shield for my heart
But will burn if touched
Anger won’t lie still
Like fiery red molten magma
Burning liquid heat, snaking its way through my brain
She doesn’t visit often
But I always know she’s close by
Crackling quietly under the surface
Just waiting to erupt
A thwack on the face! Boots on ribs! A cutting outburst!
Spewing words told in secret
Just to hurt a friend
Enjoying the power she gives
Enjoying the control- everyone walking on broken, sharp egg shells
Afraid to let her out
I welcomed Anger
Cracked open the door
And whoosh! She engulfed my space
Shrouding the atmosphere in a grey pregnant cloud
And my heart grew colder everyday
As if enclosed in hands made of ice
Anger had caused too much hurt
And held unto too much in turn
Today, Anger and I spoke
I told her she had to leave
Or else I’ll lose my all
The people I love have started to up and leave
Anger smiled “you need me” she said
And laughed a cold menacing laugh as she sunk into my bed!
Now I’m angry with anger, as we tussle for space in my head!
As part of my efforts at continuous and never-ending improvement (kaizen), I am currently taking an on-line course in Creative Writing with the University of Exeter. Last week, part of our course work was to explore a negative emotion in either poetry or prose and this poem was the result of that. I found this really interesting to write as anger, especially explosive anger as I describe here is not an emotion I would like associated with me and though it is not auto-biographical, it was an eye-opener to go there. To explore the depth of the emotion, the ugliness of it – when not controlled, and to acknowledge how hard it can be to shake off when you have used it as a “shield” for so long.
Ciao! I hope you enjoyed reading it. Please do something for yourself as the year runs out- invest in yourself (it is a great thing when your employers train you but investing in yourself sends a message to your subconscious. It is an internal affirmation of your worth. It increases your commitment to be truly successful as you are personally invested in the process as well), develop a new skill or set a new goal and meet it. Commit to continuous and never-ending improvement so every time you look back, you are much better now, than you were before.
Don’t forget to be awesome this week.